My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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