As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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