At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
