Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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