I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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