im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
