You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
