btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
