I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
