her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
