I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
