i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
