I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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