Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
