found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
