I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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