Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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