the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
