Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
