I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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