You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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