is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
