I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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