you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
