Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
