you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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