im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
