he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
