I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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