Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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