Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
