You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize