Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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