she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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