at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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