Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I look better un-naked...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
