five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I didn't notice because vodka
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
