i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
