Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize