This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize