So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
