when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She said her name was "party"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
