I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
