you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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