Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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