i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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