go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
