i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
