oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
