i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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