it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
