Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
