I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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