Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
