My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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