Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
