I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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