It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
