this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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