I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize