So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
