Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
