Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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