I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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