moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
