someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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