I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
