I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm like, not good at living.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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