i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
