some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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