why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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