I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
