Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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