I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
People in love make me want to vomit
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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